EVERYBODY'S FREE (TO BE A SITH)

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. 
The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by Emperor Palpatine's 
ugliness, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. 
Oh, never mind. 
You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until you've been turned into something "more machine than man". 
But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how cute you really looked. 
You are not as mechanical as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. 
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve a Rebel Alliance problem by choking people to death with the Force. 
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares the crap outta other people.
Kill people. 
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. 
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. 
Floss. 
Not doing this will result in Maul's gingivitis. 
Waste your time on jealousy. 
It will lead you to the Dark Side far quicker. 
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. 
The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. 
Forget the insults. 
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how and I will stop choking people to death with the Force. 
Keep your old droids with vital Rebel Alliance info. 
Throw away your old Storm troopers. 
Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. 
The most interesting Sith apprentices I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. 
Some of the most interesting Sith masters I know still don't. 
Get plenty of calcium. 
Be kind to your waist. 
You'll miss that when it's in two pieces.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. 
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. 
Maybe you'll ditch your wife and kids, chop off your son's hand and threaten to convert your daughter to the Dark Side, maybe you'll get chopped in half and come back as a clone. 
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself 
either. 
Your choices are half chance. 
Everybody else's are much, much less.

Enjoy your body. 
Use it every way you can. 
Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. 
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own: it scares the crap outta others.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but on your own Death Star.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. 
Do not read Naboo beauty magazines. 
They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your one parent. 
You never know when she'll be gone for good. 
Try not to be nice to your siblings (even if you don't have any). 
They're your best worst link to your past and the people most likely not to stick with you in the future. 
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should kill before they make some stupid blunder (like dropping out of hyperspace too fast and letting the Rebels on Hoth know you're coming).

Live on Tattooine once, but leave before it makes you hard. 
Live on Coruscant once, but leave before it makes you soft. 
Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: 
Stormtroopers are are stupid, 
The Galactic Senate will disband, 
Palpatine will always be ugly. 

And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, 
Stormtroopers could shoot straight, 
The Galactic Senate was corrupt 
And apprentices respected their masters. 
Respect your Master.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. 
Maybe you have a Imperial Insurance Aid. 
Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse like the Queen of Naboo. 
But you never know when either one might run out / die.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 you'll look like Darth Maul (no hair and a bunch of horns).

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia. 
Dispensing it is a way of fishing the podracer from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

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