Star Wars Characters Peeves . . . .

Top 10 Gripes of Yoda:

10. The rollercoaster I cannot ride.
9. Luke's whining I must put up with.
8. Like Grover I talk.
7. Levitate X-wing fighters I can but on Dagobah I am stuck.
6.Voice of Obi-wan's keeps bugging me it does.
5. Little girls pick me up and me they hug. Degrading it is.
4. The better-looking female Skywalker I never got to meet.
3. "Hooked on Phonics" commercials I audition for, talk me they will not.
2. At malls, during Christmas season, ask me, people do, if a low-quality tickle-me Elmo doll I am, and how much do I cost.

AND THE #1 GRIPE THAT YODA HAS IS:
Stop, my grandma will not from pinching my cheeks, although 900 years old I am. (more wrinkles it gives me).

TOP 10 SANDTROOPER COMPLAINTS / PEEVES

10. Lesson One: Never stand behind the Dewbacks.
9. Ever spend a hot day in close-fitting armor? It don't smell pretty.
8. And what is it with the armor? Why not a nice, lightweight, poly-cotton blend?
7. Those dang backpacks full of salted pretzels, bantha jerky, and cashews are just more needless weight.
6. That sand gets everywhere!
5. Would it bankrupt the Empire to give us an auxilliary supply tank of chilled lemonade now and then?
4. Forget the polarized lenses with macrobinocular multi-vision. Just give us some Ray-Bans, for Pete's sake!
3. Those sissified shoulder-pads were designed by the Emperor's notoriously single cousin, Brucie, weren't they?
2. If the Snowtroopers think Tauntauns smell bad, they should smell a Jawa.
1. We always get sent to remote deserts, never nudist beaches.

10. Just as I get all suited up, I have to go to the bathroom.
9. We usually get shot at before we even finish setting up the E-Web cannon.
8. Our cool side stays cool -- but so does our hot side!
7. The "temperature-controlled body-glove" ain't comfort-rated to fifty below.
6. The Biker Scouts laugh at our moon boots.
5. Other divisions get breath-masks. We get yashmaks.
4. Those dang skirts look silly on us!
3. Chafing.
2. Of all the crappiest outfits, we look like the spacefaring KKK!
1. Wampas in heat.

TOP 10 IMPERIAL OFFICER COMPLAINTS / PEEVES

10. Stormtroopers put "Blast Me!" signs on my back when I'm not looking.
9. The constant backstabbing inherent in the job.
8. Insurance doesn't cover Wookiee attacks.
7. They haven't made a good action figure of me yet.
6. Admiral Motti's constant bitching.
5. I don't look good in jodhpurs.
4. Captain Pellaeon always leaves the bathroom in such a mess.
3. Bounty hunters dis me on principle.
2. High probability of strangulation.
1. Rebel scum.

10. Other divisions get cool armor. We get radiation-proof leisure suits.
9. Targeting sensors only register organics, not 'droids. (Lt. Hija only)
8. Death Star snack machines are always out of Twix Bars.
7. Even the mouse 'droids laugh at our helmets.
6. Getting the turret by the thermal exhaust ports sucks.
5. Helmet 'com occasionally picks up the country station.
4. Teeny visor cuts down visibility.
3. The Stormtroopers hog the "Lethal Enforcers" machine in the Executor's arcade.
2. Those blasted rebel pilots.
1. The heat from the Turbo- and Super-Lasers have singed all the hair off my body. I mean *all* of it.

10. Blast doors don't always open all the way.
9. Sometimes I feel like just another number.
8. The brainiac who thought of white armor should try suiting up and hiding in a forest himself sometime!
7. The pension plan stinks -- if you live that long.
6. Can't see a thing in that helmet.
5. Vindictive captain always puts me on Dianoga detail.
4. "Armor forms an anti-blaster cocoon" my ass!
3. Cheap-ass rifles are way off calibration. I keep missing my targets.
2. Every time I meet a nice girl, she shoots at me.
1. I personally toasted several rebels on the Tantive IV, and I still got less recognition than that guy who just said, "Look, sir, 'droids!"

10. Haven't got a thin credit from those action-figure guys.
9. Asteroids....ugh!
8. The Empire's too cheap to spring for life-support and ejector seats.
7. A-Wings are too dang fast. When do we get cool new ships?
6. Limited viewports = reduced field of vision.
5. No CD players, just AM radio.
4. We're not allowed to do risqué nose-art on our fighters.
3. The last guy to use the fighter didn't refill the ionization chamber.
2. The last guy's gum is also stuck under the control yoke.
1. Dammit, when do we get shields and hyperdrive?!

Top Ten Darth Maul Pet Peeves

1. Being chopped in half ruins new pants/sweater combo from the GAP.
2. People always saying, "I knew Darth Vader, I worked with Darth Vader, and you sir, are no Darth Vader."
3. Darth Sidious makes him provide his own D Batteries for Double Bladed lightsaber.
4. People who say he looks "horny", then snicker.
5. All those years spent working on vocal training wasted.
6. When he loses his car keys and has to ride the moped to work.
7. Card board cut-out in grocery stores makes him look fat.
8. Has to get up 4 hours early to "put on his face".
9. Darth Sidious could use the force to get the remote... but he still makes him get up.
10. More screen time in the "taco-bell" commercial than the movie.

Submitted by Emperor Ovaltine

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