Here are some joke I found in my mail or I pick up out of the newspaper. They all got me laughing. Thanks to the authors for letting me publish it here too!!

Top 11 Reasons Star Wars Would Win!
Top Eleven Reasons Why the Star Wars Characters Would Mop Up in the Star Trek Universe

11. If Captain Kirk tried to sleep with Leia she'd kick the crap out of him. Look at what she did to Jabba and all he did was lick her!
10) In the Star Wars universe, weapons rarely, if ever, are set on "stun".
9) The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of twenty just to go into warp-the Millennium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookie.
8) After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable-after pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell.
7) Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.
6) Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters.
5) One word: Lightsabers.
4) The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named Slave I. 
3) The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not.
2) Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.
1) Picard pilots the Enterprise through an asteroid belt at one-quarter impulse power. Han Solo floors it. 

14 Reasons To Fly For The Empire

1. Vader is your Co-pilot: we think a guy who can strangle people over a videophone is someone who ought to be watching our six.
2. Ship names that don't just rattle off the alphabet (A-wing, B-wing, Y-wing...)
3. When confronted with bad news, Imperial Officers don't whine "NOOO" and then jump down bottomless shafts.
4. Our Bespin Cloud miners don't pitch Colt 45's on the side.
5. Darth Vader's Imperial announcements have the same soothing reassuring tone as that guy from CNN.
6. White armor shows all the dirt making dress inspections a snap.
7. Even after you bump your head on low-hanging shuttle bay doors, you can still shoot your blasters and miss wildly with the best of them.
8. Solar panels on the TIE fighters: like the good custodians of the galaxy that we are, Imperial craft are equipped with energy-efficient solar panels. Take that you fossil fuel burning Rebel scum!
9. No stinking shields: Real He-Men don't pull nine Gs around the Van Allen Belt all cuddled up in their shields. Those X-Wings probably have seat belts too!
10. "Greedos Guide to Bounty Hunting" not in Imperial manual.
11. Check out the imperial convenience Store: Yoda pops, Chewie Tobbacca, and Jawabreakers.
12. 'Secret Order of the Emperor' tattoos impress cantina babes.
13. No Ewoks.
14. John William's' "Imperial March" 'Nuf said.

Top 10 List Of Episode 1:

10. A disoriented Anakin Skywalker must chose between the Light and Dark Sides of the Force; decides out loud "Yo quiero Taco Bell" and proceeds to gorge himself on Burritos.
9. Darth Maul smokes Pall Mall non-filters--smooth!
8. Jar Jar Binks plays Kenny Loggins' "Danger Zone" on his Sony Discman during dogfights.
7. Cantina takes Visa, but not Amex: "It's everywhere you want to be."
6. Anakin Skywalker builds C3PO from iMac and Intel Pentium III processors 
5. Built-in speakers in R2 belt out newest single from Britney Spears
4. Mace Windu throws Darth Maul into a giant neon Coca-Cola sing that explodes
3. Yoda wears Depends undergarments: "When 700 years old you be, in control of your bladder you will not!"
2. Hologram displays are really Hasbro action figures hanging on strings.
1. Darth Maul has the Jedi Council on the ropes until Mace Windu gets a great idea, pops a Mentos into his mouth and gets medieval on his ass!  Mentos: The Freshmaker!

From InQuest Magazine

Favorite Sith Weekend Activities

Hang out near "No Loitering" signs and then Force choke anybody who asks them to leave.

Drive around in ice-cream trucks, attract a bunch of kids, and then tell the kids, Sorry, I'm afraid we're all out of ice-cream.

Steal blind man's cane and replace it with a lightsaber. Sit back and laugh as the blind man accidentally kills everybody around him.

Set up a booth at a carnival and sell pink fiberglass insulation as cotton candy.

Submitted by The Dude


Thanks to the authors of these jokes for allowing me to use their property on my Web Site, Humor Section. Please visit their Web Site under my Friend/Contacts Links Page too! Happy Laughing People!

 

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